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  • Writer's pictureChris

Who's In Your Room?

I recently listened to a podcast where Ivan Misner Ph.D. and Stewart Emery L.H.D. discussed a book they co-wrote with Rick Sapio titled “Who’s in Your Room?”. The general concept of the book is to imagine you live in just one room and in that room with you are every person in your life both past and present. The key here is that there’s only one door and the door only operates to allow people to enter, but not to leave. When we let someone in our room, we let in the relationships, obligations, and any “baggage” they bring with them. You see, the people we choose to let into our room will always be there in some way even if/when the relationship ends. Our minds store that experience, information, and resulting good or harm forever. Sure, we can grow from bad experiences and there’s always a takeaway or lesson we can learn. But what if we spent more time as a “bouncer” at the door? What if we carefully took a look a who we let into our room BEFORE we let them in? What if we were more selective about who we look for in terms of values, ethics, and integrity and worked to keep the wrong people out of our room in the first place? The good news is that our brains are infinitely better at creating new memories and support infrastructures than subduing old negative memories and experiences. So the focus and intention shifts to ACTIVELY searching for the people you DO want in YOUR room - those who support your passions, engage with you honestly and supportively, and share your values and culture. If we become INTENTIONAL on who we let into our room and who we spend our valuable time connecting and building relationships with, our path to success and happiness becomes far less out-of-focus. Now get out there and fill your room!


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